How to minimise the crazy client quotientÂ
How to minimise the crazy client quotient
Freelancing isn’t all beer and skittles. There’s a set of problems all freelancers face as universal issues- how to schedule work, knowing what to charge and how to get paid are at the top of the list. Weird competitors, problems with people not getting the lifestyle and outside influences from the tax department are also cause for sleepless nights.
But the number one chart topper is what to do with a crazy client.
Unfortunately, they aren’t as few and far between as we’d like to think.
Crazy clients suck up time. They drain our confidence and our bank accounts. Crazy clients demand time and energy. And they seriously aren’t worth your time.
There’s a wonderful term that the police use to describe something that is a little off - hinky. Crazy clients often throw up red flags, give us something to be a little bemused or puzzled by. They raise eyebrows because something about the situation is off. What they propose or the way they conduct themselves is hinky.
As freelancers, we can get biased and tired, so there is always a danger associated with giving into the hinky feeling. However, that feeling also keeps you safe to a certain extent from the crazy client. Warning signals may be subtle, but you should give them consideration.
So here’s how you can spot a crazy client in the crowd, how you can test whether your ‘hinky meter’ is in overdrive or on par, and what you can do to avoid that client if you find your hesitations are valid.
The Fleet Footed Fool
The Fleet Footed Fool is the client that thinks Rome was built in a day, and so should the projects they ask you for. This necessity to get everything done quickly is usually because their time management skills are so poor.
Hallmarks:
They’ll suck at handing over the material you need to do a job and still expect you to meet the timeline they’ve provided.
What they do hand over will be done in a hurry and often leave you with a brief that is less than helpful.
If you agree to their outrageous demands, working outside of hours or giving up your weekends, it’ll train them the bad habit that you’re always available for a rush job (even if you aren’t).
How to deal with the Fleet Footed Fool:
These guys can truly drive you crazy if you let them. So you must make sure your boundaries are setup well and truly. No favours, no special treatment. You’ll be stressed enough with the deadline.
Set deadlines and get the right information. Make them fill in a proper brief and have it delivered with any supporting materials, giving yourself time to review the information supplied and re-request anything that hasn’t been supplied. If they don’t play ball, send the brief back until they do.
Always charge extra for short turn around work. Most freelancers put in a levy of 20% or more (some up to 50%) for short time frames, weekend work and overnight turnarounds under ‘rush fees’. This works to make sure you’re well compensated for the stress while also testing to make sure the rush they think they have is indeed worthwhile.
Try delegation. If you physically cannot handle the job due to your timetable, refer them to someone who can. Fleet Foots usually come back to the same freelancers because the way they plan won’t change.
Create set ground rules. If you need to work with them on a regular basis, it’s best to setup a retainer and give them a cut off point for submitting materials. If you teach them to respect deadlines, it works in your favour.
Be firm. If a client turns into a Fleet Foot mid job, simply reaffirm the terms you originally agreed to and explain you don’t offer rush services and/or rush fees are not associated with the job, so it’ll need to be queued like every other job.
The main aim with these guys is to help them within reasonable limits while teaching them to be more proactive about planning in future.
The Dominatrix
The Dominatrix is a client that thinks it’s OK to dominant, boss you around and otherwise make you feel like a serf to their Lordship. They may use the ‘pull and push’ technique- giving you compliments about your ability before undercutting your skills so that you begin to feel unsure of yourself. They are snide, cheerless and basically an arsehole. They get off on treating people they hire like they are inferior.
Hallmarks:
They may bully you on price, scope and try to make you feel like you have to lower your charges to compete against (sometimes fictional) freelancers who are better than you.
If you take the job, they’ll make threats about giving the job to someone else, taking you to court or ruining your reputation for any small wrong-doing, imagined or not.
They’re high maintenance and will treat the relationship as though you have no other business other than servicing them. They may even trot out clichés about customers always being right and make repeated references to how much work they bring or how much they are paying you.
How to deal with the Dominatrix:
Remember when we wrote your terms and conditions? This is the kind of client they save you from. Being able to deal with these guys is always about ensuring they have signed off on the terms of engagement and the scope of the project. You’ll need to refer to them constantly, so always make sure they are in place.
If you suspect a dominating client, the best thing to do is pass them by. They’re hypercritical and not worth the heartache.
But if you have to work with them, here is how you manage them:
Lean on your terms and conditions as well as the proposal you both agreed upon and don’t move an inch.
Make use of the LAER model and maintain perspective as outlined in my guest post, tiger taming difficult clients for kitten sized copywriters.
Be firm and professional. Keep your emotions out of things wherever possible and stick to the facts of the situation.
Money Allergy Sufferers
If ever there was a contradiction in terms, it’s the ones that allergic to money. These clients come in a few different flavours- the most common being:
The Social Justice Greenie- they want to enjoy a sustainable business, but they’re still perplexed and conflicted by the concept that sustainable means making a profit to pay for the business to keep going. You’ll usually find them among yoga teachers/studios and alternative healers, certain sections of collaborative consumption, ‘I care’ styled business enterprises that help solve a social justice and/or green problem. The main issue you’ll have with these guys is that you asking for money for your work seems like you’re less passionate or compassionate than they are. You’ll commonly find these client will ask for discounts, want to barter or ask you to volunteer through request or implied message.
Startup entrepreneurs- it’s not that they don’t want to make money. They most certainly do. It’s just that they’re convinced that for the first couple of years the business shouldn’t pay them- or you either. These kind of startup entrepreneurs don’t talk in terms of customer acquisition, they talk in PR gained. They may also blossom into the startup that is funded by angels and investment that minimises the role of the customer in the finances of the business. The issue here is the focus on looking like their successful may cloud their judgement in terms of making money from the business itself. And they’ll be talking to you in terms of founder roles, partnerships and equity waiting for the day they become the next Google. That day of course never coming for 90% of startups.
Women entrepreneurs- over 50% of women in Australia do not pay themselves- you can check the stats here. However, they’re adept at spending money on courses, ideas, hired help and networking. It’s usually from their savings account, side job or partner’s income. The problem here is they may pay you for work, but the work won’t be that stable. Or when things don’t work out as planned, they may resent the fact they’ve involved you at all.
It may not be your responsibility to encourage these clients to embrace the profit centred version of work, but it does work in your favour if you do. Treat you business as though it is exactly the same as any other client.
Some useful catch phrases you can use to gently decline the offers are:
Unfortunately, I am not in the financial position to volunteer my services/accept equity in lieu of payment at this time.
The ATO does not provide freelancers and small business owners with concessions for providing discounts and/or offering assistance to non-profit organisations, however you will find my rates are very competitive.
I rely on payment for the freelance work I undertake. It is my sole source/majority of income. I am not in a position to offer free work.
While I believe your project has merits, freelancing is my sole source of income. Please feel free to come back and ask for my assistance once your business begins to turn a profit.
Micro Manager
This client hires you, and then spends the majority the time whiteant-ing your ability and making changes to your work that (quite often) make it pretty shit. They are too heavily involved for the creative process to occur and will make you feel as though your work is not to standard.
Micromanagers are very difficult for most freelancers to handle, because we’re of the breed where self-starting and autonomy is part of what we seek in our working life.
Hallmarks:
Micromanagers are hard to spot at first glance, and you’ll usually only find out how bad they are once you’ve been engaged to do a project.
You can spot them because they will:
Monopolise your time via email and phone
Constantly request meetings, revisions and discussions
Make a lot of changes to whatever you do. These changes may even contradict themselves as they seek to control the project
They'll have a sneaky secret vision they don't share. You’ll get a deep sense as the project progresses that this was an exercise in proving to themselves they had an idea in mind, even if they don’t realise it
How to deal with them:
I’ve had a few micromanagers in my time, and I’ve found that knowing when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em are you best options. If you can swallow your pride and work out how to give them the project they wanted (which is probably pretty bad), this is the better option. Just make sure you remind them that your quote only include X revisions and that they need to use them wisely.
The second one is to take an approach like this via email to fire them.
"Dear PITA,
To date, I've spent approximately X amount of hours trying to work with you to find a voice and tone for your project.
In any working writing relationship I undertake, a couple of requirements need to be met to ensure the integrity of the business relationship and the quality of the project works:
1. A deposit/ Completed brief
2. Usable feedback
Unfortunately, your deposit/brief is still outstanding (or you declined paying a deposit/declined to supply a brief) and the feedback provided has not given me the guidance I require.
I cannot continue to work on your project in good faith. I am unable to move forward and you appear unable to trust in my ability to provide you the outcome you are seeking.
I'd like to return all assets to you and decline working any further on your project. If you would like a referral to another copywriter, I am happy to provide it for you.
I wish you the best of luck with your endeavours.
Sincerely,
Not your freaking gimp. 
You can edit this format as you see fit. The main aim is to ensure that you are able to use it by:
Attempting to meet the client on their terms
Summarising how things would usually be conducted
Outlining why the way this project is being conducted is deviating from your usual practise
Stating the current arrangement no longer agrees with you
What you will be doing to wrap up the project so you can both move on with minimal head trauma
Something nice to soften the blow
This is the best length, too. Too short and you may come off frustrated and snippy. Too long and it often looks like you’re trying to justify a way out or blame the other person.
If they paid a deposit, you have one of two choices:
Refund it
Keep it in full or keep part of it
Keeping part of the deposit in the early stages is usually fair because it shows you simply believe the relationship between the two of you is the issue, not the project or client. It may also be enough of a shock to the system to wake them the hell up and get them to start working with you.
Be aware that a full refund may be easier, but it also teaches them bad habits and gives the impression you’re guilty of failure. Keeping the entire deposit (especially at the super early stages) may make them angry and could be seen as greedy. However, if they've mucked you around, don't dare take the financial hit of a refund if they've squandered their time!
It’s a judgement call based on the age of the project, the time you’ve put into the project and the attitude of the client concerned.
Your homework this week:
Take each of these client personas and nut out a few of the bad ones you have encountered or heard of before that are not included here
Write out in bullet points-
Their client hallmarks
What you can do to decline them with grace via email, at a meeting or on the phone
What you can do to reign them on a project management level if declining is not an option
Make sure you pull out terms and conditions that may be needed to back up your decline and add them to your TnCs so you are covered
Look at your processes in situations where you’ve had a bad client. What could you do on a project management level to invite less crazy in your client relationships?
Next, we’ll look at briefs to ensure you know what you are doing and can’t fall victim to scope creep.